I've always been a fatty, in fact, I was born fat! I was born premature and was the biggest baby on the premature unit weighing in at 7lbs 4oz, whilst all the other babies weighed under 5lbs!
My parents told me that when I was just a few hours old, in a single incubator amongst loads of other premature babies in the special care baby unit, my dad was standing at the bottom of the incubator I was in when a man approached my dad and asked him why I was in the special baby unit? My dad told the man I was there because I was premature. The man angrily said to my dad ''are you having a laugh mate? Premature? I'll show you premature!'', whilst beckoning my dad to follow him so my dad could see his daughter.
My dad said the man's daughter was smaller than my dad's palm. The man apologised for his tone, but he could not believe how big I was compared to the other premature babies and had presumed I was on the unit for another reason.
My mum told me I was the best-behaved baby out of her four children, according to my parents I NEVER cried, ever - apparently! I said to my parents 'not even when I was hungry?', my mum said no, you never cried, I just fed you every four hours.
My parents told me about another time whilst on a family holiday, I wasn't even six months old, when a lady approached my pram and was cooing over me, until she asked how old I was, and when my parents told her, she looked at them with utter disgust and made it clear how she thought I was at least a year old due to the size of me.
The fatness followed me all through my childhood, into my teens and then into my adult life. I'm 32 years old now and whilst not my biggest ever, I'm still obese - something I wish I wasn't.
Whilst I'm all for body positivity and body confidence etc, you have to be happy with yourself to be in that movement. I am not happy with being fat/obese in the slightest, for me personally there is nothing positive about being fat - I even feel the cold! I mention that because I have had more than one person seem to think I don't feel the cold because I'm fat, when actually I'm one of the 'coldest' people that people know. So yeah, for me - there is not a single thing that benefits me for being fat. I will never promote body confidence when I am not confident myself, not with the way I am right now at least!
Over the years, I've tried the big slimming clubs, without mentioning any names, but you name them - I've most probably tried all of the diet clubs going. I start off well with the best intentions, losing up to a stone (14lbs) in my first month. Then I get bored of eating the same foods over and over, and before I know it, I've somehow fallen off the wagon and I'm back at square one, or sometimes even worse than that.
The last time I tried a well-known slimming club, I not only put my lost weight back on very quickly after falling off track, but I ended up being bigger than when I first started! Can anyone make that make sense because I couldn't - at least not then! I was paying £6 a week to lose weight, yet here I was BIGGER than when I first joined, where did I go wrong?
I didn't go wrong. I know that now, but at the time, I was down in my thoughts, thinking there must be something wrong with me, who starts a diet and puts on weight? ME it seems! However, there was a reason for this, let me explain.
This certain diet club allows you to eat as much food as you want from certain categories, so I was stuffing my face with as much fruit as I wanted, along with as much pasta as I could consume, potatoes, meat, fish etc. The naughtier items were pointed, a bag of crisps for example may be 6 points, and you only get 15 points a day, of course the bigger you are means the more points you get, if you was over so many stone you was allowed 20 points, bigger than this then you was allowed the maximum amount of points which is 25.
Whilst clubs like these work for many, they also fail for plenty. Or, you get the cases where they hit their targets, reach their goals, then before long, they are back at square one. I found myself trapped in a circle, eating the same foods/dishes/meals over and over again, and when I ran out of points but was still hungry, I'd then force myself to eat food I didn't like - just because I was hungry and they was zero points!
Now, I smile knowing that never again will I force myself to eat blueberries - unless I was starving and there was nothing else to eat of course, but never again will I force myself to eat blueberries, just because I was hungry and they was zero points and I was trying to lose weight!
Those point systems are nothing but rubbish. I found this out when I discovered calorie counting - one of the oldest 'diets' going, where you discover that no foods and drinks are calorie free! NOTHING at all, besides water!
On one of those well known slimming clubs, I could eat three bananas if I wanted too, costing me ZERO points, yet whilst calorie counting, I know a standard size banana is 80 ish calories, thats 240 calories a day on bananas alone, and don't get me started on potatoes!
For the first time in my life, not only have I been able to lose a nice amount of weight, but I've also enjoyed myself doing it! NOTHING at all is off limits, I can have chocolate every day if I wanted, and I do fit chocolate or another sweet treat into my daily allowance!
I've enjoyed off plan days, treats, alcohol and much more. If I don't have time to cook a meal from scratch, I don't beat myself up and think oh yet another day failed. Instead, I use my calories on frozen foods or even a takeaway, because I can, and they aren't going to take 15 of my 20 points!
I'm 3½ stone down which took me just under a year to lose, and I have managed to maintain that loss over the last six months whilst I've not been calorie counting. In the past on all the other diets I have tried, I'd have gained all the weight back and most probably gained some more by now, however calorie counting has shown me a new way of 'dieting'. I can lose weight and I can enjoy it too!
My journey has only just began though, I may be 3½ stone lighter, but I have at least another 3½ to get off, possibly even more! I'll make that decision as I get closer, but for now, I take comfort knowing I can lose weight whilst enjoying myself too!
If anyone else has been in the same boat as me, continuously trying and failing over the years to lose weight, I suggest giving calorie counting a go!
Jada x
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